Hiya, friend -

So a couple of years ago, I was talking to a coach. I can't remember who it was or even remember the question she asked me, but I clearly recall launching into a teary-eyed soliloquy:

• I'm such a mess.
• I'm angsty.
• I'm undisciplined.
• I'm a terrible business owner.
  
• I'm a massive procrastinator.
• And on and on and on.

On or around bullet point #67, this coach said something I've never forgotten.

The most powerful words we can ever say are the ones that follow the phrase, "I am."

In other words, friend, we can literally SPEAK our identity into existence.

If I keep telling myself I'm a mess, I'll keep creating messes. If I keep telling myself, I'm angsty, I'll never settle down. And so on.

I used to say this garbage to myself all.the.damn.time, but I'm getting slowly better. I just got tired of hurting my own feelings, you know? And I wonder if you're tired of it, too.

Pep Talk #039: Stop hurting your own feelings.
Toxic positivity sucks, so I'm not going to go so far as as to suggest you should lie to yourself.

Like, I'm not going to replace, "I'm a massive procrastinator" with "I beat every deadline by three weeks." (Can you imagine?) I could, however, replace that phrase with "I'm learning how to better manage my time." That's true and positive and kind.

More examples:
> I'm such a mess = I'm exploring some new priorities
> I'm angsty = I'm figuring out what's out of balance in my life
> I'm undisciplined = I'm experimenting with a new approach to my habits
> I'm a terrible business owner = I'm learning how to decrease my expenses.
‍
How 'bout you? What mean things do you say to yourself? Can you reframe them? (If you need help, I'm happy to take a stab!)

I am... going to practice cello now,

Kelley