Hey there -

I'll be 54 years old this month, and in April I started taking cello lessons.

My teacher, Tony, is maybe half my age. He has perfect pitch, sings in a locally famous men's chorus, and plays all the instruments (I bet).

Despite his musical prowess—and despite how objectively terrible I am—Tony is proud of me. I know this to be true, because he tells me so most weeks, often before I've played a single note: "I'm so proud of you!"

That preemptive pride used to annoy me, to be honest. I'd smile and say, "Awww, that's so sweet," while fighting to keep my eyeballs from rolling alllll the way back in my head. "I haven't even played anything yet! What the hell do you have to be proud of?"

But a few weeks back, Tony started opening our lesson with something else: "Were you kind to yourself this week?" And then, "Did you let yourself have fun?"

Oh.

So, you mean this cello thing doesn't have to be about... performance?

I don't have to strive toward being profiled by the local news as the late-bloomer who earned herself a spot in the Grammy-winning St. Louis Symphony Orchestra? I can just practice and take my time and not worry too much about being... good? I can be kind to myself, have fun, and feel proud of myself just for... showing up?

My only-child, A+ student, perfectionist mind is so confused. But my heart? She's melting.

Pep Talk #053: Let yourself be a beginner.

As adults, we spend a lot of time doing things we have to be good at. Like, you know,  relationships. Work. Mowing the lawn, if you have an especially picky HOA.

That's a lot of pressure, and it can trick us into thinking the whole purpose of life is to get good at stuff. But that's just not true. We can also do things just... because. Just... for fun. We can experiment with new hobbies, let them stay hobbies instead of revenue generators, and enjoy the hell out of being a beginner.

What is it for you? Are you a beginner at something right now? If you're not, what do you want to try? A creative pursuit like writing poetry or playing "Birdland" on the alto sax? An athletic endeavor like rock climbing or pilates? An academic interest? A new language? (If that's it, you can be my friend on Duolingo, where I'm also bad at Spanish!)

Please tell me. I want to cheer you on!

I'm so proud of you,
Kelley

P.S. These days, Tony's trying to talk me into playing "Let It Snow" in the studio recital on December 7. I'm not nervous; I'm pre-mortified. How ridiculous would it be to follow 8-year-old Timmy's piano solo? What if I'm the oldest student in the recital? But... maybe it would be fun. I've never actually been in a recital before. Should I do it?